ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
