I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
