I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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