I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
