What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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