the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
