The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
