i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
