Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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