I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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