I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
