I cannot find my penis.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
