The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Houston, we have a blender
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
