My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
