I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
