Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
