Hey man sorry I got all grabby
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He better not be in your backpack
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
