Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
