Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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