Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
