direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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