forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
