I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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