Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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