I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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