uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
