Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
