I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
