guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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