a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
you are never too drunk for berry picking
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I supernannyed him into submission
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
