This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
