Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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