I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
