My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
