Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
