ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
