I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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