i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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