And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
