What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
