First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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