Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
did you just send me my own nude
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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