there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
