The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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