Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
