If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
