Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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