i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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