did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
