she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
