I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
